22 Signs of Cult Dynamics
This weekend, my wife and I watched a docuseries called “Escaping Twin Flames.”
It’s about an online coaching community, called Twin Flames Universe, with some “culty” vibes going on.
“Twin flames” is a New Age term, basically meaning two halves of the same soul. It’s indicated by an intense connection between two people.
I personally take the whole “twin flames” concept with a grain of salt. I’ve seen so many people learn about twin flames, then blindly project that onto every person they meet (“That’s my twin flame!”).
The (stated) purpose of Twin Flames Universe is to help people find their twin flame and live in “harmonious union.”
Sounds lovely, right? In theory. But in practice, they get a lil culty with it. Hence the docuseries.
Why TF am I Writing This?
I’m writing this to highlight some telltale signs of a cult.
It’s important for two BIG reasons:
To learn how to spot cult dynamics.
To be aware of your own tendencies around power, so you don’t create cult-like dynamics around leadership positions you hold.
That second point is underrated. When it comes to positions of power, we all have opportunities to control and manipulate other people.
If you’re aware of the signs of cult dynamics, you can detect these tendencies within your own ego and hold leadership positions with integrity and compassion.
This will make you better in every leadership role you hold (manager at work, parent, coach, mentor, etc).
Remember, it’s easy to blame and cast judgment when you hear about abuses of power. But given positions of unchecked power, very few people have the moral fortitude and self awareness to not indulge in the temptations of the ego.
It’s not black and white either. Both cults — and power — exist on a spectrum. The line between “cult” and “not cult” can be blurry. Keep that in mind as you read through this.
What is a Cult?
Here’s how good ol’ Wikipedia describes what a cult is:
Cult is a term, in most contexts pejorative, for a relatively small group which is typically led by a charismatic and self-appointed leader, who excessively controls its members, requiring unwavering devotion to a set of beliefs and practices which are considered deviant (outside the norms of society).
Remember, there is no on/off switch for a group being a cult or not. It’s a spectrum.
Every religion has cult-like qualities (some more than others).
Many political movements, and political parties, have cult-like qualities.
Some businesses have culty dynamics going on within them (MLM’s being the poster child).
Cult dynamics can happen wherever there are power dynamics (especially with centralized power). And power dynamics happen wherever there are egos involved.
All of these shadows are coming to light for us to learn from and evolve beyond.
As we evolve our consciousness, and become more aware of our own egoic tendencies, we (as humans) can organize and cooperate in more harmonious ways that benefit all.
With that said, here are 22 signs of cult dynamics.
The more of these apply to a group, the more “culty” it is.
Note: I use the word “control system” here too, because it sounds better than “cult” in a lot of cases. And it helps you draw non-obvious parallels to other groups with cult-like dynamics.
22 Signs of Cult Dynamics
#1: The leader is the sole arbiter of truth.
The leader of the group has the ultimate say on what’s true/valid and what isn’t.
For example, in Twin Flames Universe, the couple who started it are the ONLY people who can say who your twin flame is. The group members could not determine it for themselves. Red flag, much?
Another example of this is when a religious leader is the only person who can communicate with God.
This creates a situation where all truth must be passed through the leader and members of the group have no choice but to have blind faith in the leader.
#2: Exclusive path to salvation.
Control systems try to create a monopoly on salvation. “This way is the ONLY way.”
This is another huge red flag. There are many paths to God, enlightenment, salvation, happiness, etc. Sure, some might be more effective than others, but be skeptical if someone tells you their way is the only way.
#3: Messiah complex.
In a cult, the leader will usually have some kind of messiah complex. Sometimes the leader acts as the sole mediator for a deceased or non-physical messiah.
An obvious example would be a cult leader claiming to be the second coming of Christ. A more subtle example would be a priest claiming to be the only person who can interpret the words of Christ.
Be aware of glorified pasts and inflated importance, especially if there are no clear signs of the leader having any special powers.
#4: Twisting core truths to validate the cult system.
Every system of control takes core truths and twists them to deceive and manipulate people.
If something is a blatant lie, people would catch on immediately. Manipulators need to trick people into believing by putting subtle twists on universal truths.
For example, most people feel connections with others that goes beyond the physical world. Twin Flames Universe takes this, twists it for the leaders to determine who someone’s twin flame is, and tells the member they have to do anything to be with that person (even if it causes harm to others).
A dangerous twist on a truth so many of us feel.
#5: Peak experiences used to feed the power structure.
Anything “spiritual” usually involves peak experiences, or practices that get people into altered states of consciousness.
That’s fine. The thing with cults though, is they create these experiences for people, then funnel it all into the power structure.
This means, for example, that the leader takes credit for any peak experience.
They also use these peak experiences to “hack” people’s decision-making.
#6: Pressured decisions (usually in emotional states).
Be cautious of groups who pressure their members into big decisions, especially when they’re in altered or emotional states.
Yes, an ego death can be great. But if you’re pressured to marry someone, or sell your house, or buy a $20,000 coaching package in that state, eh - that’s not cool.
That’s how manipulators use peak experiences to bypass people’s logical faculties and hack decision-making.
Peak experiences are crucial for human development imo. But there should be no pressure to make any decisions in those states.
Good coaches, for example, help people get as centered as possible for making a decision, and give them some space to come to their own conclusion.
#7: Denial of inner wisdom.
Cult dynamics equate to people ignoring their inner wisdom in favor of manufactured beliefs.
When people can’t trust their intuition, instincts and personal logic, that’s a giant red flag.
The denial of individuals’ inner wisdom is one of the biggest elements of any control system.
#8: Ignoring logic.
This one goes hand-in-hand with the denial of inner wisdom.
Control systems don’t allow people to use logic. Why? Because like inner wisdom, logic can threaten the structure of control.
Control systems need people to throw logic out the window to keep the control going.
#9: No questioning.
What does the denial of inner wisdom and logic mean? Don’t question things.
A control system does not want to be questioned. On the other hand, a healthy group or system doesn’t mind questions. Earnest questions lead to a greater understanding.
But sometimes that greater understanding threatens the existence of a rigid, controlling group.
#10: Enemy obsession.
Be wary of any group obsessed with an enemy.
Yes, there are forces of resistance. Yes, there’s evil in the world. But obsessing about an “enemy” puts you in “enemy consciousness” (defensiveness, protection, hyper-vigilance, violence, anger, retaliation, etc).
Any group perpetuating negativity needs a scapegoat of negativity to function. This could be an external evil like “the devil” or internal like “blocks.”
In the Twin Flames Universe, they hyper-fixate on people’s inner blocks. They blame every problem on people’s inner blocks. “The person we told you is your twin flame doesn’t want to be with you? Well, that’s just your inner block.”
Yes, inner blocks are real, but blaming everything on inner blocks (and the rule not applying to the leader) is when things get screwy.
#11: Weaponized inner work.
The inner blocks example above is also an example of weaponized inner work.
This is when a transformational practice is used against the members of a group, or used for nefarious purposes in general.
#12: Dictated identity reshaping.
In a cult dynamic, transformational practices are also funneled toward a controlled end.
During any transformation, people’s identities will evolve. That’s natural. But in a control system, it’s sculpted and forced to an end that suits the leadership of the group.
In the Twin Flames Universe, it’s basically, “As long as you come to the realization that the person we said is your twin flame, good.”
#13: Forced isolation.
Most cults force the members into isolation. Without the context of the rest of society, and a greater reality, people are easier to program, manipulate and control.
This is why cults force (or manipulate) people into isolation.
An experimental community is one thing, but if people can’t leave the community (or BELIEVE they can’t leave), that’s culty AF.
#14: Free will restriction.
Cults and control go hand-in-hand. That’s why I’m using the term “control system.”
Here’s a simple, helpful heuristic for discerning good and evil:
Good helps people use and expand their free will.
Evil restricts people’s free will.
Cults impose A LOT of control and limit individual’s free will on every level (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, health, relationships, money, beliefs, etc).
#15: Un-provability bubble.
Cult leaders like to create a reality where they can’t be proven wrong.
Whether it’s through mind control, circular logic, or just being the sole arbiter of truth, as long as they can deflect or make excuses, they’ll do it.
#16: Emotional stirring.
Control systems keep people in perpetual state of emotional instability.
Why? Because that’s how you maintain control. When people aren’t centered, they can’t discern clearly.
Usually these tactics are based around fear (i.e. fear-based programming). This creates a phenomena called amygdala hijacking where people can’t use the logical and intuitive parts of their minds. There’s a reason why the mainstream media constantly pumps out fear (because it works like a charm for mind control).
#17: Gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that has become a big part of our cultural lexicon lately.
It’s manipulation (usually over an extended period of time) that causes the victim to question the validity of their own reality, perception, memory, etc.
Most control systems use gaslighting en masse, because they need people to doubt themselves to maintain control.
#18: Coerced consent.
Coercion is the use of force (or implied force) to persuade someone to do what they don’t want to do.
Many cults won’t outright force their members to do things, but there’s an unspoken pressure. That’s coercion.
#19: Consequences for leaving.
There’s always consequences (or implied consequences) for leaving.
This could be anything: threats, implied threats, burning in hell, or even just throwing away your only chance at salvation (because they’ll tell you it’s the only way).
The harder it is to leave (not just physically, but psychologically), the bigger the red flag.
#20: Reinforcing language.
All culty groups have their own language.
Group-specific jargon is NOT exclusive to cults though. ALL groups have their own unique language.
What makes cults different is that their unique language is weaponized to reinforce the cult dynamics. The language used becomes a tool to program people’s minds. It’s a vessel for the other phenomena listed here to be used for control and manipulation.
With Twin Flames Universe, the term “twin flame” was programmed to become this subconscious association: “The other half of my soul, as determined by the leaders.” They essentially weaponized the term by combining it with sign #1 (the leader is the sole arbiter of truth) and #2 (this is the only way to salvation).
There’s a subtle difference between using original language to unite people and help them, versus using original language to program and control them.
When you learn to sense the intention behind the language, and what the words are vessels for, you can better discern cult dynamics.
#21: Love bombing.
Love bombing is another classic manipulation tactic. It’s overwhelming someone with attention, affection, compliments, gifts, etc — with the intention to manipulate them.
Love bombing is part of what lures people into culty situations. They get love, attention and validation in ways they might’ve never felt before, so they think, “Wow, finally! People who understand me.” Then they proceed to ignore the red flags.
While love bombing is often done to “new recruits” and in anything public-facing, things get uglier the closer you get to the inner circle….
#22: Lack of congruency between private and public behavior.
Control systems are deceptive. No group is going to openly announce that they’re a cult or that they manipulate people. They need to deceive to maintain control.
That’s why there’s always a troubling difference between their public-facing behavior and what goes on behind closed doors.
Most will claim to be loving or charitable publicly, but it’s just virtue signaling. Once you look beneath the veil, it’s a lot darker.
We see this lack of congruency within so many groups:
Priests who pontificate on Christianity, but molest children.
Political parties who pretend to support minorities just to get votes.
Politicians who read teleprompter scripts about peace and unity, while secretly funding coups and bombing countries.
Twin Flames Universe claiming to be all about love, but they manipulate and control people behind closed doors.
Charities who pretend to be saving the world, but a huge % of the donation money feeds the greed of the executive team.
Be cautious of people and groups who say everything people want to hear or pretend to be perfect. Watch for disconnects between how they act publicly and how they act behind closed doors.
Here are two questions I use to help see this in individuals:
How do they treat people who would be considered “lower than them” on the social hierarchy when no one is watching? (ex/ a janitor)
How do they act when provoked by those closest to them, when no one else is watching? (ex/ How they respond if their partner forgets to do something important.)
Of course, those questions are hard to validate unless you’re close to someone. But, even as a thought exercise, those questions can help with spotting troublesome discrepancies between public and private behavior.
Any More?
Alright, those are 22 telltale signs of cult dynamics.
It’s definitely not a complete list though.
Can you think of any other signs you would add? Feel free to share in the comments.
And remember, this list is both to help you spot cults and to help you avoid the misuse of power with any leadership positions you might hold.
Let’s evolve how we organize and cooperate, and plant seeds for more harmonious, omni-beneficial group dynamics to emerge.
Thanks for reading.
Much love,
Stephen Parato
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