Why I Stopped Caring
Confession: I stopped caring.
Now before you get worried (or offended), let me clarify.
I stopped caring about RESULTS.
I’m no longer attached to outcomes and “what I can get.”
This is something I learned the hard way, by beating my head against the wall of reality so many times.
Every time I chased results, those results ran away from me.
It happened with dating, fitness, money, spiritual growth, confidence, building an audience online, etc.
I tried so hard, exhausting myself, with nothing to show for it. The results I craved never came to fruition. It was frustrating, demoralizing. I even felt hopeless at times.
Now this is what surprised me.
Whenever I stopped caring about the results, the results came to me in serendipitous ways.
That’s how I met my wife, got job opportunities, and published books (to name a few).
Here’s the clarification.
Although I stopped caring about results, I still cared about the ESSENCE of the things.
The essence is:
The deeper meaning
WHY you’re doing it
The daily process of it
The embodiment and feeling it holds
For example, I started a new workout routine a few weeks ago. I’m not doing it for results, but because my body likes it. It transmutes all of my stress and anger, and elevates my energy levels throughout the day.
After just a couple weeks, I looked at a picture of myself and was like, “Wow, I look fit! That workout is working.”
The results just happened because I go all-in with those workouts. I’m laser-focused and fully present. I enjoy how hard it is, and try to do a little more each workout.
My focus is on the essence of fitness, instead of the results of fitness. Seeing the themes, here?
What You Chase Runs Away From You
When some people realize the folly of chasing results, they think, “So I do nothing then?”
Nope. That doesn’t work either.
You see, results are emergent byproducts of reality. Sure, some results are predictable to a certain extent, but you can’t control it. You can only control your inputs.
Instead of chasing results, focus on the ESSENCE from which results emerge (and ultimately return to).
Enjoy the process
Embrace the journey
Find the deeper reason
Feel the sense of purpose
Learn to love the challenges
Get clear on your intentions
Implement the daily routines
Be fully immersed and present
Pour your heart and soul into it
Focus on the inputs you can control
Do the boring work that won’t show up in a highlight reel
Want to be an author? Write a little bit of your book every day. Put your heart and soul into the writing. Make it something you stand behind 1000%.
Want a great romantic partner? Be a great person and do things you love where you can meet people. Talk to new people to connect with them, without attachment to what happens.
Want to build a business? Treat your potential customers like gold and do the unsexy work every day that creates long term progress.
Put your heart and soul into the consistent input, with faith that results always come. Because ultimately, the results you get are a mirror of your input anyway (hint, hint).
BE the person who lives the kind of life you want. Infuse that essence into your thoughts, words and actions.
It’s less about chasing results, and more about being the person where BLESSINGS SEEK YOU OUT.
When you embody the essence of why something is important to you, that’s when you become magnetic.
You don’t need learn the hard way like I did.
You don’t need to exhaust yourself chasing results.
You don’t need to compromise your truth while trying to receive that which is already yours (the essence of it, at least).
Stop caring about the results. Care about the essence of things.
Light up the world with all that you are, without inhibition, and watch what happens.
Blessings,
Stephen Parato
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